14 January 2014

I Have Arrived.

It's hard to explain the feeling I get stepping out of the trailer in the morning and into the Kmart parking lot and seeing Mt. Basin first thing. Calming seems to be a perfectly cliched way of putting it. But I think it's something more than that. Like it instills this fire in me. Passion maybe? Like I'm here for a reason. I finally have direction.
My brother drove out to California with me to climb and fish for a few days, but he has since flown home and I am here alone. There's a sort of sanctuary in the solitude. I'm sure I'll get lonely at some point, but it's Bishop... There's always someone around.

I enjoy it; life on the road alone. I'm on my own schedule and I go to whatever boulder tickles my fancy at any particular moment.
Right now, though, there's really only one boulder I feel like going to. I've been unexpectedly pleased with how it's been going, especially after losing fitness to rainy days in Font and being stuck in the car for three days.
Of course I was apprehensive towards it. But the last two days have changed that for me. Partly because I did better on it than I was expecting, but also because of this (here we go again) *calming* sensation I have being here.
I've been obsessing over this one climb all year and now I'm finally here. I can relax. All I have to do is do it!
I may not be the strongest I've ever been, but I'm so passionate about these eight moves on perfect patina that I think my motivation will be a huge factor in carrying me however far I get up this thing.
It sounds crazy that something so obscure can feel so helplessly all- encompassing. Why it matters I cannot express in words.
I know I'm going to have good days and bad days. I know I'm going to bleed and scream and maybe even cry. But I know that here, in my sweatpants in my 1950s trailer in the Kmart parking lot surrounded by truckers writing by lantern-light with my BuddyHeater going, is exactly where I want to be.
I don't feel lost anymore.